Lurker's Corner

The physical therapist actually said "no more cane for you" last Tuesday, but I talked her down to "only at the end of the day when you're tired, but try not to need it."

Clinging to a cane the pro thinks I don't need while wanting to be rid of the hinged monstrosity on my leg that demonstrably helps with pain is dauntingly weird to me. I've been researching "best knee brace for (various search terms related to tibia plateau fracture)" and Google keeps coming back with...exactly what I'm wearing.

Stymied! And thwarted! At every turn.

Me to everyone else: do what the medicos tell you; Western medicine is good stuff in a crisis!
Me to me: bored now; how sure are we these people aren't being overcautious?

Self deluding hypocrisy sucks.

It's way too hot for long pants in Georgia right now, so I shall shortly sally forth in bermudas that do not cover my surgical scar, a totally unsubtle streak of pink down the inside of my right leg at the knee.

Will people pity me? Recoil in horror?

My favorite explanation remains "while unicycling across the Grand Canyon, my violin bow slipped and wackiness ensued," which sounds much better than "I stepped onto the grass and gravity said 'you're mine now, bitch.'"

As of yesterday's x-ray, the bones have completely healed. It's all about me and the PT now.

Did you know that about half of PT involves the patient re-learning to trust the body part that literally let them down hard? I did not. Wobble boards still suck, tho.

Lessons learned so far:
1. Avoid breaking a weight bearing bone.

2. No, really. It'sa showboating, naked grab for sympathy and attention...

3. ...That really fucking hurts.

4. Do not bear weight until told to do so.

5. Then only the amount they say.

6. Use an analog scale to measure the weight because digital lies like a rug and giggles about it.

7. If you ditch your physical therapy at home, THEY KNOW.

8. "Ow" translates to a physical therapist as"cool! Found it! Time to dig in!"

9. Arriving cranky at your crack o dawn pt appointment means YOU MUST BE READY FOR NEW EXCERCISES NEATO.

10. No! Not even a little bit ready! ...resistence is futile.

Srsly, dudes, I am beyond fortunate to be suffering no more than a sore knee for my sins. Western medicine has this crisi shit down. Do what they tell you until you prove otherwise.

Captain America Civil War opens during the three week window when all I'm supposed to do is sit very still.

Glrk

I don't know whether it's depression, ADHD or pure cussedness, but I am one of those people who only tidies up when there's company coming or something in the mess actually reaches for me.

Then I broke my leg.

Then Mom said "I'm on my way, and I don't plan to do any cleaning while I'm there."

I have thrown myself on the mercy of my irregularly utilized cleaning service. They, after percocet, are genuine gifts from God or whatever watches out for sloppy bitches.

So, I got my very first real search and rescue callout. My bag was ready! I was determined!

I fell down and broke my leg about a hundred yards from the trailhead.

No, really. They've given me gobs of painkillers and an orthopod to call. There may be surgery.

How is this my life???