justalurkr: (Default)
1. For getting up in the middle of the night (mostly for the headlight)

2. For the later hours of the day when I am tired and my knee hurts and screw what my PT said anyway.

3. For every time I get out of the car in a handicapped parking spot, because I do not want to die.

They're always watching.
justalurkr: (Default)
The physical therapist actually said "no more cane for you" last Tuesday, but I talked her down to "only at the end of the day when you're tired, but try not to need it."

Clinging to a cane the pro thinks I don't need while wanting to be rid of the hinged monstrosity on my leg that demonstrably helps with pain is dauntingly weird to me. I've been researching "best knee brace for (various search terms related to tibia plateau fracture)" and Google keeps coming back with...exactly what I'm wearing.

Stymied! And thwarted! At every turn.

Me to everyone else: do what the medicos tell you; Western medicine is good stuff in a crisis!
Me to me: bored now; how sure are we these people aren't being overcautious?

Self deluding hypocrisy sucks.
justalurkr: (Default)
Physical Terrorherapist: We're going to work on your balance today.
Me: I've never had very good balance.
PT: (manic grin) WE'RE GOING TO FIX THAT NOW.
(she then proceeds to discover the limits of positive thinking and I am sentenced to spending a great deal of time on one foot)

Later, at work:
Me: (whines about PT)
Co-worker: You solve that problem by smoking a joint before you go!
Me: Then I won't care what they do?
CW: Exactly!
Me: I don't smoke, and that's a horrible thing to do to a brownie.
CW: Heroin. You inject it.
Me: NEEDLES.
CW: I can't help you.
justalurkr: (Default)
It's way too hot for long pants in Georgia right now, so I shall shortly sally forth in bermudas that do not cover my surgical scar, a totally unsubtle streak of pink down the inside of my right leg at the knee.

Will people pity me? Recoil in horror?

My favorite explanation remains "while unicycling across the Grand Canyon, my violin bow slipped and wackiness ensued," which sounds much better than "I stepped onto the grass and gravity said 'you're mine now, bitch.'"
justalurkr: (Default)
1. Yesterday was my last scheduled appointment with the orthopod.
2. This morning, my physical therapist prohibited further use of a walker.
3. I shower standing up now.

In other news, I find out whether I'm celebrating my unplanned early retirement from All Your Phones Are Belong to Us.
justalurkr: (Default)
As of yesterday's x-ray, the bones have completely healed. It's all about me and the PT now.

Did you know that about half of PT involves the patient re-learning to trust the body part that literally let them down hard? I did not. Wobble boards still suck, tho.
justalurkr: (Default)
The physical terrorist put me through my paces yesterday and today was my first day back at work in the office, which meant no nap at lunchtime.

Short of sleeping through the first three days after breaking my leg because Percocet, I have never been more tired in my life than I am right now.

Okay, I'm sure I have but am equally sure I don't remember.
justalurkr: (Default)
Lessons learned so far:
1. Avoid breaking a weight bearing bone.

2. No, really. It'sa showboating, naked grab for sympathy and attention...

3. ...That really fucking hurts.

4. Do not bear weight until told to do so.

5. Then only the amount they say.

6. Use an analog scale to measure the weight because digital lies like a rug and giggles about it.

7. If you ditch your physical therapy at home, THEY KNOW.

8. "Ow" translates to a physical therapist as"cool! Found it! Time to dig in!"

9. Arriving cranky at your crack o dawn pt appointment means YOU MUST BE READY FOR NEW EXCERCISES NEATO.

10. No! Not even a little bit ready! ...resistence is futile.

Srsly, dudes, I am beyond fortunate to be suffering no more than a sore knee for my sins. Western medicine has this crisi shit down. Do what they tell you until you prove otherwise.
justalurkr: (Default)
Weight Watchers doesn't have any activities like "sitting around on your butt, nursing a broken leg."

In other news, my healing process continues apace, meaning i have another six to eight weeks of zero weight bearing activity, followed by 10 to 12 weeks of learning the true mmeaning of "physical terrorist."
justalurkr: (Default)
Captain America Civil War opens during the three week window when all I'm supposed to do is sit very still.

Glrk
justalurkr: (Default)
I spent the night at the hospital for observation and am waiting on discharge papers to go home.
justalurkr: (Default)
I don't know whether it's depression, ADHD or pure cussedness, but I am one of those people who only tidies up when there's company coming or something in the mess actually reaches for me.

Then I broke my leg.

Then Mom said "I'm on my way, and I don't plan to do any cleaning while I'm there."

I have thrown myself on the mercy of my irregularly utilized cleaning service. They, after percocet, are genuine gifts from God or whatever watches out for sloppy bitches.
justalurkr: (Default)
I have accomplished my first sponge bath and clothing change with no additional injury and am getting pretty good at this crutching around lark.

#1 helper is still percocet, though.

I've ordered no rinse shampoo and body wash from amazon. Any other useful items y'll can think of?

Ow

Apr. 13th, 2016 06:07 pm
justalurkr: (Default)
So, I got my very first real search and rescue callout. My bag was ready! I was determined!

I fell down and broke my leg about a hundred yards from the trailhead.

No, really. They've given me gobs of painkillers and an orthopod to call. There may be surgery.

How is this my life???

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