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justalurkrPimpin' crack, yo. I was actually looking for an epic AU that paired Steve McGarrett and John Sheppard, and found this series, "Feelings Are Boring," in a completely different universe (Trek 2009) and genre, i.e., crack. There are only two stories so far totaling about 23k words and I am again recommending a story (the second, with the slash in it) before finishing. (Tries to be if not ashamed, at least a little chagrined. Fails.) I mention that I haven't finished yet because the discrepancy between the movie (absent mom, jackass stepfather,) and this story may be explained, but then again, why? It's crack, pretty hot crack and has already involved recasting Kirk's mom as a liberating foul-mouthed engineer who calls Pike "command bitch" and a species of intelligent cats with a warrior bonding ritual.
First story: One Foot in Front of the Other by lazulisong.
Summary: Winona is called to fix the cock-up of the Yorktown's engines. She uses one of the science-bitches to help her do it
Gen, 1390 words.
Favorite Quotes:
See summary first and recall that I was looking for hot H50 slash with a side of angst when this diverted me which I suppose makes me some sort of crack whore.
====
Winona: "...you should have spaced the bastard, but you command-bitches never have a lick of sense. Who is this?" she adds, jerking her head at the Vulcan keeping pace with them.
"The science officer who realized there was a problem," says Pike. "His name is --"
"I shall call him Tiny Science-bitch," decides Win.
Second Story: Feelings Are Boring, lazulisong
Summary: This is not exactly what Jim thought the 'exploring strange new worlds and exotic civilizations' was about. Also, Vulcans are kind of crazy. Jim and Spock go through a alien ritual, which, yes, changes everything -- he's hoping for the better. Spock just wants to get through this with his sanity, if not his dignity, mostly intact.
Rated as Gen, M/M. (I'd call it full contact or pants-on gen and am not quite 1/2 way through) 22k words. Oh, and illustrated, FTW.
Favorite quotes:
====
...Jim finishes his exercises and drinks a glucose thing that Bones makes him take with him whenever he goes beyond the reach of a hypospray. Jim's got no idea what's in it but Bones invented it himself. It tastes kind of like lemon jelly. It has vitamins and shit in it, and probably the essence of Bones' hatred of everything
====
...the Klingon empire once tried to annex Lyra V. The Lyrans sent part of the invading army back, tanned into leather and painted with a scene detailing the invaders' fate, and then sent some charming little leathery bags and their compliments to the Federation, requesting membership.
====
(on practical boots with the Starfleet dress uniform)
It wasn't officially sanctioned, of course, but if you knew a dude who knew a dude, you could get boots that passed all civilian and most military scanners as being nothing but boots, and still have (Pike had demonstrated) something sharp, something poisonous, something to communicate with, and something blue. He'd told his mother about it, which had been a mistake, because Winona Kirk had snorted, called Pike an amateur, and after that Jim had boots he was kind of afraid to wear.
====
The List of Rituals Jim has undergone, which I will not quote because I just realized I'm on the verge of quoting pretty much the entire 22k words as it is, and I haven't finished the story yet. These two are representative of the types of ritual Jim endures:
"- Four namings, one of which ended up with Jim being forced to write the words 'they named me Snuggy-Boo' on an actual report.
- Bones standing over him with a hypospray, saying “Now we're going to sing the 'I will not bang space harpies' song, Jim.” "
(snicker) Because not all rituals take place during first contact!
First story: One Foot in Front of the Other by lazulisong.
Summary: Winona is called to fix the cock-up of the Yorktown's engines. She uses one of the science-bitches to help her do it
Gen, 1390 words.
Favorite Quotes:
See summary first and recall that I was looking for hot H50 slash with a side of angst when this diverted me which I suppose makes me some sort of crack whore.
====
Winona: "...you should have spaced the bastard, but you command-bitches never have a lick of sense. Who is this?" she adds, jerking her head at the Vulcan keeping pace with them.
"The science officer who realized there was a problem," says Pike. "His name is --"
"I shall call him Tiny Science-bitch," decides Win.
Second Story: Feelings Are Boring, lazulisong
Summary: This is not exactly what Jim thought the 'exploring strange new worlds and exotic civilizations' was about. Also, Vulcans are kind of crazy. Jim and Spock go through a alien ritual, which, yes, changes everything -- he's hoping for the better. Spock just wants to get through this with his sanity, if not his dignity, mostly intact.
Rated as Gen, M/M. (I'd call it full contact or pants-on gen and am not quite 1/2 way through) 22k words. Oh, and illustrated, FTW.
Favorite quotes:
====
...Jim finishes his exercises and drinks a glucose thing that Bones makes him take with him whenever he goes beyond the reach of a hypospray. Jim's got no idea what's in it but Bones invented it himself. It tastes kind of like lemon jelly. It has vitamins and shit in it, and probably the essence of Bones' hatred of everything
====
...the Klingon empire once tried to annex Lyra V. The Lyrans sent part of the invading army back, tanned into leather and painted with a scene detailing the invaders' fate, and then sent some charming little leathery bags and their compliments to the Federation, requesting membership.
====
(on practical boots with the Starfleet dress uniform)
It wasn't officially sanctioned, of course, but if you knew a dude who knew a dude, you could get boots that passed all civilian and most military scanners as being nothing but boots, and still have (Pike had demonstrated) something sharp, something poisonous, something to communicate with, and something blue. He'd told his mother about it, which had been a mistake, because Winona Kirk had snorted, called Pike an amateur, and after that Jim had boots he was kind of afraid to wear.
====
The List of Rituals Jim has undergone, which I will not quote because I just realized I'm on the verge of quoting pretty much the entire 22k words as it is, and I haven't finished the story yet. These two are representative of the types of ritual Jim endures:
"- Four namings, one of which ended up with Jim being forced to write the words 'they named me Snuggy-Boo' on an actual report.
- Bones standing over him with a hypospray, saying “Now we're going to sing the 'I will not bang space harpies' song, Jim.” "
(snicker) Because not all rituals take place during first contact!
no subject
Date: 2012-07-28 03:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-28 04:07 pm (UTC)Um, except...the whole thing with the two most attractive men on television being used as pose-able sex dolls, I mean. (is finally chagrined) Two things:
1. No explicit sex ever explicitly happens -- if prime time had the balls to air openly acknowledged M/M slash, it could look like this story. Given that I'm usually a complete slash ho of the "why would you make it m/m if there isn't going to be a lovingly detailed scene of lovingly nasty sex?" this sort of begs the question of why'd I'd finish nearly 102k words of neither-of-my OTPs not having detailed, lovingly nasty sex, let alone re-read it. Which brings us to:
2. The author's-note-as-summary does the story a serious disservice, because that's exactly what it is -- a story. With characters and plot and sort-of subplots and, oh yeah...Kono, the Governor of Hawai'i and Danny's ex-wife cast as fag hags to effing hilarious effect.
Then there's a helping of angst at the end, which was sort of like adjusting the spices for depth of flavor on a really good soup. edited to add: Of course I wanted seconds.
Joe Bob (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Bob_Briggs) says check it out.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-28 07:14 pm (UTC)Performance In A Leading Role by Mad_lori
Rated M for Mature, c. 156k words in 21 chapters.
This is the link to the entire work on one page at AO3 (http://archiveofourown.org/works/225563?view_full_work=true).
This is the link to the first chapter (http://archiveofourown.org/works/225563/chapters/341590), in case you're surfing from a mobile device with insufficient memory to load the whole monster
not that I'd know anything about that. (kicks phone.).And this is the Summary:
Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world?
Additional tags:
AU
Meta
Hollywood
Real Person Cameos (but no real people slash, present tense and scant if any in the past tense.)
Romance