Secret to the successful office potluck

1. Always wait for someone else to propose the idea. They're in charge of coordinating it.

2. Always sign up first for flatware, napkins and bottled soda. No cooking!

3. When someone beats you to the supplies, establish a reputation for your double chocolate brownies, which really are Ghirardelli Square Double Chocolate Brownie Mix, paying special heed to the the directions about cooking time for metal v. glass baking pans.

4. Always be first in line for the buffet and make a huge point of asking everyone if they've washed their hands--keeps the food cleaner.

5. Never be last in the food room--you will be expected to clean up.

6. Secret Santa-ing it? You can't go wrong with a gift card. Apparently, gasoline gift cards are the gift du jour, as I hit four gas stations this morning and found three completely out with the fourth unable to sell me any as the manager wasn't around to authorize it. Dude wound up with Trader Joe's.

Of course, the two beading trays and spools of beading wire my Secret Santa got me reflect hours being bored to tears by my beading stories an excellent understanding of my tastes.

7. If the entire office manages to vacate the food area before clean up and one of the managers is patroling the cube aisles looking for victims, make sure you have an E-mail escalation, a trouble ticket and that thing from your boss open in artfully arranged windows on your computer and point ruefully (because of course you're on the phone with that guy who was supposed to call back about the thing in Ocala an hour ago can you believe it?? when s/he tries to draft you for KP.

Note: the truly skilled office animal should have no trouble off-loading at least one of these tasks on the hapless member of management.