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Used to be broken, now just torn
Feb. 24th, 2013 09:07 pmI haven't X-rayed with a completely knitted bone yet, but likely will next time I'm in the orthopod's office. However, carefully hidden by the bone fracture was a form of tendonitis more commonly known (to people who are not me) as golfer's elbow.
"You mean like tennis elbow?" (me)
"No," (occupational therapist in a very, very patient tone. She must get this a lot.)
Clap your elbow to your side and stick out your hand. The tendon on the outside gets tennis elbow. The tendon on the inside gets golfer's elbow. Also, you are now in position to do both of my $1200 occupational therapy exercises.
1. Holding a hammer or other asymmetrically weighted object (that must be $200 right there!) supinate or turn your wrist so your palm would be facing up except for that hammer. Hold that for a count of ten. (Possibly another $200.) Now slowly pronate or turn your wrist so that your palm would be down except for that hammer. Do this 2x15 times.
2. Put the hammer down (unless you dig bashing yourself in the face. There are probably people who charge for that, but I'll bet it's nowhere near $1200.) Elbow still pressed to your side, straighten your arm toward the floor as much as ever you can and hold that stretch. Now slowly bring your forearm up to as completely flexed a position as you can. (Aren't you glad you put the hammer down?) Help complete the stretch with your other hand if necessary. (Pretty sure this is about $400, maybe $450 worth of therapy.) Hiss air through your teeth a lot if you actually have a broken elbow or tendonitis. Do this 1x15 times.
Ice the ever living CRUD out of the abused joint and remind yourself about eleventy billion times that discomfort is a sign of healing. Shower, find the Vicodin and go to bed.
Note: in the interests of full disclosure, my insurance company is paying a great deal of that $1200. Moments like these are why I take steps to keep my job.
"You mean like tennis elbow?" (me)
"No," (occupational therapist in a very, very patient tone. She must get this a lot.)
Clap your elbow to your side and stick out your hand. The tendon on the outside gets tennis elbow. The tendon on the inside gets golfer's elbow. Also, you are now in position to do both of my $1200 occupational therapy exercises.
1. Holding a hammer or other asymmetrically weighted object (that must be $200 right there!) supinate or turn your wrist so your palm would be facing up except for that hammer. Hold that for a count of ten. (Possibly another $200.) Now slowly pronate or turn your wrist so that your palm would be down except for that hammer. Do this 2x15 times.
2. Put the hammer down (unless you dig bashing yourself in the face. There are probably people who charge for that, but I'll bet it's nowhere near $1200.) Elbow still pressed to your side, straighten your arm toward the floor as much as ever you can and hold that stretch. Now slowly bring your forearm up to as completely flexed a position as you can. (Aren't you glad you put the hammer down?) Help complete the stretch with your other hand if necessary. (Pretty sure this is about $400, maybe $450 worth of therapy.) Hiss air through your teeth a lot if you actually have a broken elbow or tendonitis. Do this 1x15 times.
Ice the ever living CRUD out of the abused joint and remind yourself about eleventy billion times that discomfort is a sign of healing. Shower, find the Vicodin and go to bed.
Note: in the interests of full disclosure, my insurance company is paying a great deal of that $1200. Moments like these are why I take steps to keep my job.
