justalurkr: (Default)
So, this surplus thing that happened at work carries with it the chance to convert the surplus into an early retirement. The advice I've been getting from people giving advice has been to get the jump on looking for another full time job because you don't want any gaps in your employment ZOMG.

I've been in the American workforce since I graduated college in 1984 and working for some Fortune 50 company or other since 1986. Really? I think I've done my bit for the corporate economy.

Turns out that the contents of my 401k will get me to Social Security retirement age 67, at which time I'll have Social Security plus a pension from All Your Phones Are Belong To Us. The retirement package I'm looking at in lieu of surplus gives me the same medical, dental and vision coverage I have now for less than $100 per month until Medicare kicks in at age 65, unless I get another job that covers me medically at any level, including crappy, at which time All Your Phones, Etc., is done with me. Forever.

Help me understand why I'd ever work anywhere else full time again?

Additionally, one of my co-workers introduced me to the concept of getting a TEFL certification and teaching English as a Foreign Language abroad. Who wouldn't rather do that than move from one soul-crusing cubefarm to another?
justalurkr: (Default)
You may all congratulate me on my early, unexpected retirement from All Your Phones Are Belong to Us.

My emotions, they are mixed.
justalurkr: (Default)
I'm in an affected workgroup of people being evaluated for surplus (layoff) status and we find out tomorrow whether we've been selected for extinction, as it were.

If the man doing the informing has the list today, I wish he'd keep it to himself or get started. My rational mind realizes there are legal reasons to do all of the notifications during a specific time frame, but the rest of my mind doesn't care
justalurkr: (Default)
1. Yesterday was my last scheduled appointment with the orthopod.
2. This morning, my physical therapist prohibited further use of a walker.
3. I shower standing up now.

In other news, I find out whether I'm celebrating my unplanned early retirement from All Your Phones Are Belong to Us.
justalurkr: (Default)
So, I get a ticket about a customer trying to update the sim chip on their watch and the call drops, so the people making the ticket (second round of contact for the customer) note that the customer needs a new chip and to put in in the "wearbares" and the internet to the watch still doesn't work.

All the geeks in network support (and there are many) immediately want to go werebear hunting, delayed only by the necessity of explaining to the non-geeks that a werebear is like a werewolf, only bigger.

The party-pooping functional adult in the group points out the care rep probably meant "wearables" when they said "wearbares," and after a short detour into were-care speculation, the rest of us debated whether to

(1) Point out that care has already realized the need for a new SIM chip, making this a provisioning issue my group does not address;
or
(2) Point out that my group does not support wearables;
or
(3) (me) Troubleshoot the original dropped call and viciously reject the data ticket.

The part-time functional adult pointed out that sometimes "those guys over there" (who only work escalations but who are not an escalations group, no sir,) work a wearables issue, so I wound up sending it to the only subject matter expert inclined (few in the South) and equipped (many in the South) to hunt werebear.

I can still hear her giggling.
justalurkr: (Default)
How to capture the perfect Team Cap screenshot from youtube.

Seriously, it's the day before Thanksgiving, there are virtually no tickets in queue and the first CA:CW trailer dropped; what are the realistic expectations of our productivity today?
justalurkr: (Default)
Windows: (boots with minimal config drama)
Me: If I swat my laptop with a rolled up newspaper, would that help?
Cubemate: (ignores me)
Windows: Consider changing your password. Your current password will expire in 9 days.
Me: NO. (closes nag window with extreme prejudice)
Cubemate: Seriously? Again?
(the nags start at 10 days)
Me: I am getting my money's worth out of this password before I have to think of another one.
Cubemate: JUST CHANGE Y'DAMN PASSWORD.

That's easy for a woman who just tacks two different numbers on the end of hers to say. (mmph)
justalurkr: (Default)
Area Manager: (walks around, getting people's schedules and contact numbers in case he needs to speak with them tomorrow)
Kvetch crowd: If he already knows, why is he waiting until tomorrow?
Me: Because if he gave so much as a hint by thought, word or deed, the ceiling would open, HR Enforcement would descend in a cloud of fire, kill him right in front of us and we'd still never find the body.
Equally cracked buddy: except for that last part, I think you're right.
Me: This is HR Enforcement. They can totally kill someone right in front of you without your being able to find the body!
Buddy: No, you're thinking of FCC SWAT. HR Enforcement displays the body as a warning to others.
Me: True...I always wondered what happened to those people who messed up 911 reporting...
Crowd: Y'all ain't right.
justalurkr: (Default)
The gallows humor is getting trenchant around here and my brain is starting to do weird things.

For example: if L's blood father legally adopted me (which he did,) does that make her step-children my half-step-children or my dubstep-children?
justalurkr: (Default)
This being the last few days prior to finding out who all is surplus to requirements in the department. Friday 7/31 is the big day.

I am cultivating patience in very stony ground
justalurkr: (Default)
Some time back in June, right before I disappeared for two weeks on vacation at my parents' house, the Vice President in Charge of The Whole Chain of Command Leading To Me called a teleconference and told the 205 people on it they were part of an "affected work group" in an upcoming surplus. My  group finds out whether we're affected (i.e., no more job for us) July 31.

Yeah. So there's that going on.
justalurkr: (Default)
I just finished a monthly performance review meeting with my supervisor.
I am not on a performance improvement plan.
SUCCESS.
justalurkr: (Default)
Enough seniority to get the entire week before Memorial Day off as vacation.

Suck it, hater young people looking at me with resentful eyes.
justalurkr: (Default)
A coworker asked me for advice around dealing with his boss.

I gave him advice.

He took it & it worked.

Does this make me the Olde Wyse Womann of network support? Because two other people were pretty much giving him the same advice, but he listened to me.
justalurkr: (Default)
...to discover that his most intellecutally stimulating conversations here are with me, Madame La Liberal.

I actually think it's down to us (a) sharing an interest in politics; and (b) not being afraid to discuss it in the work place because neither of us is so married to our views that we judge work performance or human decency by one's politics.
justalurkr: (Default)
Compliance training! Featuring

All the reasons we can fire you (aka code of conduct review)
Stop hoarding e-mail (aka records management)
Don't be a douche (aka harassment policy)
Stop screwing with your timecard before we all get fired (aka fair labor something act review)
I CAN'T WaIT
justalurkr: (Default)
The group is comprised of two Millennials and a Baby Boomer who used to work for me.

Me: How's world domination progressing?
Baby Boomer: (smirks)
Millennials: eh?
Me: The only reason to be a first level manager is if you have ambitions to be some other level of manager and with ambition? Go big or go home.
Millennial 1: (has a "well, duh" look on; he'll go far)
Millinnial 2: HAH HAH HAH AH HAH (it's a fake laugh from someone who clearly thinks he should be a level 2 by now)
Baby Boomer: Yeah? How did yours work out?
Me: (silent wink, tap to the side of the nose)
Baby Boomer: (real laugh)
Millennials: (look spooked)

Yup, still got it.
justalurkr: (Default)
I am at work on a Thursday at a Fortune 50 (yes, five-O, we fancy that way) company wearing sneakers, jeans and a brown T-shirt that says "Just hand over all your chocolate and no one gets hurt."

Inner Optimist: At least the cats aren't snacking on me
Inner Everyone Else: SHUT UP.
justalurkr: (Default)
9am Chatter about Age of Ultron additional footage with perfect stranger but fellow geek in elevator.
905am clock in, asking cube mate if he saw the new footage with trailer (blank look)
910am Determine there are no common factors to the high volume of tickets in my market
915am Determine that three fellow geeks in the office have not yet seen the additional footage and distribute link accordingly
925am Determine that the customer facing organization CAN BE TAUGHT and there are no new misrouted domestic roaming tickets.
940am Figure out how to share link to additional Age of Ultron footage from my personal use phone to my friend who is at Disney World with his mom
950am Demonstrate once and for all that if you want tickets done fast, pick me, but if you want your work documented in a dopey spreadsheet, don't. (Seriously, millions of dollars spent on backend reporting systems and we're still filling out spreadsheets??)
10am REALIZE I HAVE NOT YET POSTED ADDITIONAL FOOTAGE LINK TO LJ.

How could I have neglected you all so? )
justalurkr: (Default)
Of five people in our group, two apple-polishing buttkisses have finished 100% of their compliance and technical training.

Of the remaining three laggards, I have completed the most at 75%. The woman expecting her eighth child has completed 25% and apparently is brooking no nonsense in connection with this. (Really? Who tries emotionally manipulative nonsense on a mother of seven for any reason whatsoever?) The remaining laggard is, as far as I can tell, a professional tragedy who is back there eating the baby manager who is trying to motivate her to finish alive.

I'm starting to wonder about the motivations of the people who put baby managers in charge of us. Straight up prank? Or some version on baptism by fire?

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