Uber Eats

Apr. 2nd, 2017 11:23 am
justalurkr: (Default)
First attracted by the fact it had more food from more places than GrubHub, I became an Uber Eats enthusiast because you can watch your courier get so very lost on the little map and call them back when they start to reverse down your street.
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How Not to Have Sex with a Woman Whilst Eating Includes protractor instructions! Because America's esteemed Vice President needs some help.
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Walking out to your car Sunday morning, you notice underwear in the middle of the street.

Do you
A. Snicker
B. Discreetly check under your pants to see whether they might be yours?
justalurkr: (Default)
Can you lick the science?
An abbreviated list.

Genetics: Do not. Unless cheek swabs?

Chemistry: NO!!!!! DO NOT!!!!!!

Archaeology: Perhaps. But might be human bone.

Geology: Sometimes needed, sometimes dangerous

Psychology: Best not.

Physics: ????????? How??????

Zoology: In zoology, science licks you.

Anthropology: Maybe ask first.

Herpetology: bad plan bad plan BAD PLAN

Sociology: Yes, if you have time and dedication and a willingness to piss a lot of people off.

Botany: You might hallucinate or die, OR it might be delicious

Computer Science: the tingle of electricity on your tongue is how you know it’s working


Linguistics: Despite the name, please probably don’t.

Engineering: Maybe, but it’ll probably taste like spreadsheets

Software engineering: nothing else has made the code work so you might as well try it

Biomedicine: Go ahead, but it’s probably at best urine and at worst a strain of infectious bacteria that has no cure yet.

Astronomy: I’m not gonna stop you from trying, it may just take a lot of time and a lot of money
justalurkr: (Default)
Some things your local librarian would like you to know:

It is not a stupid question. Even if it is a stupid question, we have been thoroughly trained to answer your question without judgement or second-guessing. Besides, we’re mostly just glad you’re not asking us about the noise the printer is making again.

There are probably (at least) two desks in the library. One is where you check out books and is mostly staffed by people wearing nametags that say “Circulation Clerk.” These people can answer your questions about damaged or missing books, fines, and how many forms of identification we’ll need if you want to get a library card but your mailing address is in Taiwan. The other one is closer to the books and computers and is mostly staffed by people wearing nametags that say “Librarian.” These people can answer your questions about spider extermination, how to rent property to the United States Postal Service, and the number of tropical island nations in which you could theoretically establish the first United States Embassy. We would love to answer these questions for you. It would be a nice change from the printer.

We probably own a 3D printer by now. 3D printers, are cool, right? Please, please come use our 3D printer, it’s so lonely.

We spent a lot of money to hire this woodworker to come and teach a class at the library which you can attend for free. You will probably be the only person between the ages of ten and fifty in attendance, but your presence will fill the librarian with an unnameable joy. They will float back to their manager in a daze. “A young person came to my program,” they will say. You will have made their entire job worthwhile.

Every time you ask us for a book, movie, or music recommendation, a baby librarian gets their first cardigan.

Somewhere in the library, there is a form. If you fill out this form with your name and library card number and the details of the thing you are looking for, we will find you the thing. Sometimes the answer is “the thing is in Great Britain and they will not send it to us,” but more often the thing will just appear on hold for you, and one day you will pick up a copy of that out-of-print book you never thought you would read and maybe you will say, “Wow, the library is amazing,” and the librarian’s heart will glow.

Please bring back book #2. The rest of its series misses it very much.

Five dollars is not a large library fine. Believe me, before I started working in libraries, I too wondered how someone could sleep at night, knowing they owed money to the library. When we laugh as you sheepishly apologize for your $2.50 in overdue fees, we are not mocking you, we are thinking of the ten people we sent to debt collection already today.

We really don’t care why you’re checking out Fifty Shades of Grey. Maybe you have a specifically-themed ironic bachelorette party to plan. Maybe you’re working on a thesis paper about mainstream media’s depiction of female sexuality. Maybe you just got curious. We will give you the benefit of the doubt.

Whatever you’re smoking in the family restroom, please stop.

Somewhere on the library’s website, buried under “Links” or “Research” or “On-line Resources,” is a page that a librarian spent a month’s worth of work on. It contains many links to websites you thought everyone knew about, and one to a page that you could never have imagined existed that perfectly solves a problem you never expected to be resolved.

Imagine the kind of person who would think to themselves, “Library school sounds like a thing I should do.” For the most part, you are imagining the kind of person who is now a librarian. We want very much to help you, but we’re not entirely sure how to do that unless you ask. You are not bothering us. Please, come and say hi.
justalurkr: (Default)

  • my requirements for sleeping at night:is the pillow cool enough? are my legs positioned so they don't put too much weight on each other? are my arms tucked in nicely and not at odd angles? can I stop thinking about the day's events? is enough of my body out from under the blanket that I won't overheat? are my toes safely tucked in to hide them from monsters?

  • my requirements for sleeping in the morning:is the surface vaguely horizontal and not made entirely out of hornets

I collapse giggling over the implication that some hornets are okay, just not all of the hornets.
justalurkr: (Default)
Wow, the title of this post sounded a lot less dirty inside my head.

So, Sammi volunteered for lap time today YAY. Rodney was off eating or drinking or harassing birds outside the bedroom window, which is fair because they started it. He came into the living room right before Sammi noticed same birds moving to the balcony and bolted, but she was there long enough for him to give me an EXTREMELY Betrayed Look.

He occupied my lap for about half an hour after that at maximum sprawl. Sammi came over and surveyed the situation from the end table, then tiptoed delicately past him to my knee and looked interested in sharing. Rodney BIT HER HARD on the butt, sending her scampering for the floor.

Much about how long it has taken Sammi to approach my lap became clear.

Later in the afternoon, I scooped Sammi up and sat down with her. She remained rigidly standing, giving me the "just keep scratching my chin while I assess risk/benefit..." then Rodney poofed onto the end table in that way cats seem to when they're being slighted. Sammi looked him over and sat down hard on my lap.

Staring ensued.

I am not making this up: Rodney put his left paw in, took his left paw out, put his right paw in, then turned all about. I almost started singing the Hokey Pokey in his honor when Sammi flopped into a fully reclined position and basically double-cat-dared Rodney to do something about it. Rodney tiptoed to the end of the recliner as if to the end of a pier and sat down with a sigh, clearly contemplating Life's Injustices Heaped Upon Him.

Two cats, y'all. The entertainment is never-ending.
justalurkr: (Default)

Or, old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
justalurkr: (Default)
Moving In (To Every Single Aspect of Danny's Life, Including the Boring Bits Like Dry-Cleaning) by westgirl
Hawaii Five-0
Male/Male slash, Teen and Up rating
Summary: It felt wrong for Steve to sound unsure of his place in Danny’s life. His place in Danny’s life was at Danny’s side, driving him slowly insane. Steve should feel secure about that.

FYI: I stopped to recommend this at the point when Chin said "We're going to get lunch," and Kono added "On the mainland," as much because it was funny as that I needed to get my breathing under control and make the wheezing stop.
justalurkr: (dork)
The guy in the clip behind the cut is auditioning for every science fiction role ever. Off the top of my head, I can't think of any he left out.

No really. All of them. )
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I'm putting this behind an LJ cut because (1) it's huge, being a Sunday comic and (2) somehow managed to kick up a fuss in the comments section over at gocomics.com.

All I know is that I can't remember when last I laughed this hard )
justalurkr: (Default)
So a few days ago, I vidspammed you all with
Bengy and the Zipper and mentioned to my therapist on Wednesday that re-watching it is what made me so giggly that day. (ZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZtSNORT) So then she asks if I've ever heard of Jeanne Robertson , and she told me to look up:

And then we mostly actually did therapy stuff.
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Bruce Shneier believes that safewords are fundamentally insecure and recommends that you ask your partner to stop via public key signature

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Ribulose-1,5-bisphosphate carboxylase oxygenase, commonly known by the shorter name RuBisCO, is an enzyme involved in the first major step of carbon fixation, a process by which atmospheric carbon dioxide is converted by plants to energy-rich molecules such as glucose.

Since the activity is offscreen, I'm going with straight up geeky, myself. :D
justalurkr: (Default)
Had this man been my preacher:

justalurkr: (Default)
In a funny way. Dana Carvey, impersonating presidents:

justalurkr: (Default)
RTFM, puny humn

(in case anyone needed this in writing)
justalurkr: (Default)
I don't meet the other qualification for this group, I just laugh myself into oblivion over their exploits, which due to a trans-oceanic speed bump on the Superhighway, fell off the back of the Internet Truck to my hard drive:

Alas, only the first four eps. Based on what I've seen, though, this trailer provides an outstanding (yes, I said it) sampler of the hilarity.
justalurkr: (Default)
Things movies have taught me )

I can't decide if the underwear, strip club or Eiffel Tower thing is funnier.


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September 2017



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